I didn’t expect my second Aya experience to be the exact opposite of my first…I was actually expecting it to be near enough the same. Mama Aya blessed me and showed me endless beauty and light to my hidden darkness. Here is my experience.
Ayahuasca Journey II
Temple of the Way of Light. Iquitos, Peru.
‘I am strong. I am one. I am light. I acknowledge you… I see you… I release you.’ This was my stand again the darkness that I felt wanted to creep in. Not this time. This time I was prepared. Love would prevail that night. I was certain.
I’m stunned…Last nights journey was pure bliss. The affects took hold quickly. I felt my entire body sink deep into itself, dissolving all physical barriers between my human form and my spirit. I asked Ayahuasca to work on my heart and she did. She started to dissolve barriers around me and took me on a subtly journey of peace and gratitude.
To one side of me stood Urak and Aldron (my Sirian spirit guides), behind me stood my Native American Shaman who I call Grandfather and in front was my majestic spirit animal – Shadow-Wolf and Archangel Michael. Armed with pure light, Archangel Michael stood tall with his sword, ready to deflect all harmful energies that may have wanted to play. My heart felt their love for me and their wanting to help. They outstretched their arms and poured golden white light into me, forming a protective grid. I felt at ease and ready for my journey.
My heart raced when I saw Shadow-Wolf sitting firmly by Archangel Michael. He was alert and prepared. He watched the void with keen eyes, aware of all that dwelled there. He’s been with me from the start of my self discovering journey into the ‘spiritual’ ways of life and continues to help me in all that I do. He came to me many years ago in a dream and plays a huge part in my life. He’s the connection I have between Shaman and self. My dear companion and protector.
Bursts of geometric patterns flowed towards me once again, igniting rainbow fusions, cascading into the unknown. It wasn’t as intense as the previous night, but it was enough to send my eyes wondering through the air in complete awe.
My body felt heavy, as though I had been pulled down by gravity. I couldn’t sit up anymore. I lay down on my stomach and closed my eyes. Almost instantly visions of green biochemical tentacles merged from below the Earth, moving up, engulfing my body and the trees that surrounded me. The noise it made was bazaar, almost unexplainable. It sounded like little pebbles frantically rolling on the floor, smashing lightly into each other as it sped upwards. Like the scene from Transformers wherein the metal pebbles enter a room and forms itself into a sharp, extremely thin alien robot. It wasn’t frightening, it was actually quite soothing.
To my amazement an E.T appeared and headed straight towards me. He stopped sharply only an inch away from my face. He observed me as though he was contemplating what to do with me. It reached its hands out to me, settling them on my head. I felt his soft touch and knew instantly that he was preparing for something. I stood in silence, afraid that if I did say something I would be pulled back to the reality of illusions.
Bright lacers were projected towards me, nestling straight onto my head and through to the very fabrics that bind my brain cells. I looked around only to see an empty white room, glowing with a soft mist that I thought were obstructing the walls that surrounded me. The more I searched for those walls, the more I realised there weren’t any. This ‘reality’ existed in the void and was created by the E.T himself. I had the feeling that he could manifest anything he wanted.
My eyes wandered upwards to the geometric symbols that were now being transmitted through hundreds of tiny transparent cords that were now connected to my brain cells. I finally plucked up the courage to ask what he was doing. ‘I’m reprogramming.’ He said sharply. I dared not say another word.
After he finished ‘reprogramming’ I felt myself begin to stir. Soft glows of green embers filled the empty space like fireflies in the night.
I could see crowds of faces, barely in form, filling the starlit universe. I walked through the sea of sprits, attempting to decipher who the faces were, to see each individual characteristics trait, but none existed. They were one and the same, whole and complete with one another way up in the universe. I continued walking for a while, unsure if they were aware of my presence and unsure of where I was going.
In the distance formed a large tree that adorned a beautiful deep pink heart with jagged thorns branching outwards, as though they were protecting the heart from something. I didn’t look behind me but sensed that I trod into a different realm – Gaia’s Earthly realm. Beautiful green energy flowed up from below the Earth and into the heart that nuzzled itself comfortably by the thorns. The green energy serenely made its way to the centre of it then slowly flowed out into my hands, settling at my anahata. Warmth filled me. Complete and utter love surrounded me. I sank deeper into myself and thanked Ayahuasca for allowing me to receive this subtle yet powerful healing energy.
My attention fell back in to the room. Soft glowing orbs circled around the Shamans as they continued chanting. White orbs floating in the ether, swirling, dancing, jumping…Swaying with the natural rhythms of the songs, joining the plant spirits abundant virtue and splendour. It was a chiming spectacle of plant spirits and the divine grace.
Something soon whispered that it was time to fall asleep and that once I did, the healing work on my heart would take place. I felt like my inner child was being healed and taken cared for, that I could sleep peacefully…
…And like a child lost in complete innocence and comfort I slowly drifted asleep, ever present in the grand scale of love. The strongest emotion there is.
Next time I would try to stay up.
These three extracts are from my journal i kept whilst on my Ayahuasca journey. It needs some editing but i think it’s about time i shared what i have so far 🙂
In the Air
Views from high above looking over London’s ever growing glow.
Distance holds close to me heart like butterflies clinging for the space to soar free towards the open air. A moment of panic loosens at my core, relaxation seeps in and a breath of cool air clouds my head, leaving a trickle of brilliance. I sigh as I finally fly through the air, ready for my sacred healing journey with Ayahuasca.
A playground of twinkling lights shine up from London’s enormous playground. Patches of darkness show natures slumber, lines of light show London’s ever increasing growth and reveals its concrete structure to be wide awake with the tides of time. A city that never sleeps and roads that are never empty, always carrying someone or something from A to B.
A vastness of symmetrical light patterns and patches of Gaia’s sweet slumber.
Heaven. Hell. Love. Hate
A journey with Ayahuasca
Last night was the hardest night of my life. Nightmare visions come abruptly, cartoons of torture scenes, of killings, voices screaming in my head, deafening me, holding on to me. Darkness crept out of me. One I hadn’t ever discovered before. Rains of blessings followed after the turmoil.
I waited patiently for Ayahuasca to kick in. Nothing. About an hour went by and still I felt nothing but agitation and annoyance. I started to doubt everything, to doubt my beliefs, my very existence…Then it began. As the Shamans went further on into the songs I started seeing arrays of geometric images. Flowers bursting from the Shamans themselves, beautiful thin multicoloured lines of the plant spirits that they were channelling. They flowed towards me with such bounty and life. Many more geometric shapes clouded my vision. I kept my eyes open just in case I was imagining it. I wasn’t.
The illusion of time ceased to exist, everything was stripped off of all its layers, raw energy flickered in and out of the space and lightshows of orbs filled the spaces in between, making themselves known to everyone. I saw myself soaring through into the universe towards the stars, a million galaxies away. I thought for sure I was heading towards home, that I’d see my fellow star seeds once again. Suddenly it stopped. My soul hovered in the space between the void, between Summerland and Earth. I’m not sure how far away I was from Earth, and upon thinking about it I instantly felt a cord attach itself to me, ready to pull me back down. I couldn’t understand what was happening or how long I was there for and the more I thought about it, the stronger the cord became. That’s when beauty turned into complete darkness.
I waited and waited for my purge but nothing would come out. I felt extremely nauseous and felt the sickness churning in my gut. Now wasn’t the time, only after I endured my nightmare I would be free to finally lie down and close my eyes.
The nightmares were constant. Dark entities surrounded me and filled my vessel with pure ill news. The songs were beginning to get too intense. I could feel everyone’s energy. I could feel the trauma of it all. I tried so hard to block it all out but I couldn’t. I felt completely raw and open, as though I skinned myself alive waiting to die. I looked up at everyone around me and felt shivers run down my spine. I could see the darkest of entities watching. We all had one each, some had more. I couldn’t make out any features, only the unyielding blackness. I’m not sure what they were, only that I could feel their ill pursuits, the hollowness of them all, the potent lack of anything good. I closed my eyes wishing them away but still they remained, echoing in my visions.
My nightmares were a mixture of cartoon torture and death scenes. Like an awful version of Ren and Stimpy, tripping out in heightened forms. A loud voice in my head constructed it all, spewing negative words at me, orchestrating this bizarre force of negativity…So loud…So unnerving…So twisted…So torn. Piecing it together brings tears to my eyes. Death wouldn’t stop! Something threw me into a pit of thorns and scarred my physical form. It was laughing…Laughing at my misfortune, my pain.
For the first time in my life I felt completely disconnected from Gaia. I couldn’t feel her, I couldn’t see her, I couldn’t even sense her. Gaia is always with me, I have always felt her. Something was keeping her out, something inside of me perhaps? Maybe it was the dark entities pulling me further away to test me, to push me. My whole body started to shake and I stumbled through with sheer panic. I couldn’t sense her and it threw me off. I was crashing downwards into an endless spiral of sickness. I didn’t want to continue, I wanted to leave as soon as it was all done, to go back home. Why was I here? Why did I come? I didn’t need it, did I? I’m not worthwhile; I don’t deserve to be healed. How these thoughts plagued my mind! Something had sucked away my love light and joy.
…Then it came. The purge. I spued and spued, unable to control myself…Not only mentally, but physically too. I was so afraid.
Pure darkness came out that night. I physically felt lumps leave my mouth and crash abruptly into my bowl. Thick dark liquid flew out. I couldn’t breathe. I was choking. I called for help and tried to get my words together, to put a sentence to make sense but I couldn’t. I was crying, vomiting and shaking all at the same time. Panicking. I never was afraid of death before I tried Ayahuasca, but that night I was. Luckily it would change the more and more I took Ayahuasca. After all, it was just my shit that was coming out. A world filled with burnt tar from not only this lifetime, but from my past lives too.
After my purge I felt better. My stomach settled, my eyes became heavy and a sleepy sensation washed over me in the midnight dew. Calmness slowly crept its way back in and I felt life once again wash over me. I fell down to sleep, ever grateful for the help and kind words of encouragement I had received. I looked towards the stars and watched as monkeys slowly danced on the trees, so effortlessly and with elegance in the night. Then it came, a large black panther slowly woke from her slumber, stretched out onto the thick branch and stood on all fours beneath the stars. Graceful and at ease, she looked straight at me, ever watchful and present in my life. In that moment I felt safe and would finally be able to fall asleep.
It’s not at all what I had expected for my very first Ayahuasca experience…But I know in my heart that it was all for my highest good. It wasn’t something I wanted to endure again but I have a feeling that I will probably have to. I know in my gut that it’s all happening for a reason. Its part of my healing and I need to go through it in order to reach my mystical light. Although throughout my journey I felt that I was going to die in this sick twisted daze of thumping catastrophe, there at the end a light waited for my arrival. A light I had completely forgotten about.
Before the second ceremony, PM
Ayahuasca is not a toy, it’s not a drug, it’s not to be taken lightly. I thought I was prepared to bare all my darkness I carried from not only in this life, but in my past life too. Truth is I wasn’t as prepared as I thought. Nothing can prepare you for the experience. After all, she gives you what you need, not what you want. Tonight I’ll be brave. I’ll ask her to heal my heart and my relationships. I know it will be difficult, I know I’ll stumble and probably have my insides turned inside out again….I know I’ll feel death lingering as I did the very first night…I’ll try to be brave…The darkness I have needs to leave my physical form so that forgiveness prevails and I live in harmony with not only myself but with others too. I hope but reading this you will understand that you must take Ayahuasca seriously. The dieta is especially important because it not only helps in the cleansing process, but it also shows that you respect this ancient healing vine. Your dedication does not go unnoticed by her. She will help you, even if that means experiencing the nightmares of your harshest truths buried deep in your vessel and subconscious. We’re so used to getting what we want that the notion of getting what we need is alien to most people. We have to remember and acknowledge that what we need is sprung from our highest good and what we want is sprung from our materialistic world, our 2D perception. Need and want are two very different things and it’s what we need that will ultimately aid us in raising our vibrations and help us ascend to a higher dimension where our frequencies are matched with the purest of light. It’s my belief that we need to let go of materialistic wants in order to truly appreciate what is already inside of us – love, light, peace, power…We have all the tools we need…Now us them.